Journal-istic Integrity
I’m constantly searching for a better planner. You know, the one that will fix everything wrong in my life and make me a Girl Boss. My latest and front-runner for favorite is the Full Focus Planner is spiral-bound because we love a lay-flat moment. On my Q2 purchase, I received a discount on their journal, so I added it to my cart.
This journal has prompts in it. This is ideal as every attempt I’ve made in journaling thus far has petered out because I stare at a blank page and have no idea what to write. One of the daily prompts is, “What are some recent wins?”
Nothing inspires more frantic soul-searching in me than that question because, when left to my own devices, I only see what I did wrong or could do better rather than what went well. So it’s a muscle I’m making myself build. Some days I have big things like updating a website I’ve been putting off forever, getting through a pile of grading, and knocking out some writing. Then some days, my brain just says, “idk? We’re still alive?”
BUUUUTTTTT because I require a gold star – as I’ve discussed previously – I think that answer isn’t good enough. My friend (therapist) Jessica gets curious in our conversations which has trained me to get curious about my thoughts as well. Why don’t I think living is enough?
Because of an unhealthy tie to the idea that my value is defined by what I produce and only by doing The Most things, I am worthy of recognition. In terms of my ability to Girl Boss, it is a solid mindset. In terms of my mental health? Not so great.
I created a teeny, tiny little crutch during my transition period of training my brain to not be so achievement-oriented. Even when I do “nothing,” I am really doing something. In fact, in a day, the average human:
Heart beats 100,000 times
That’s putting up some pretty big numbers. The days we make it through represent so much effort to simply exist, and we often discount that.
As we continue to see more pushback from the rise & grind hustle culture, it will be easier to lean into contentment not tied to what we produce. But it’s still hard now. I live for external recognition. I am, in my deepest soul, a Lisa Simpson mid-teachers strike.
I know that isn’t healthy. So I’m working on it. Again, taking time to recognize my efforts and cultivate a sense of ease, knowing that not all days will be 110%, but on the days I have 50% and give 50%, it was 100% for that day. I know that math isn’t mathing, but for where I am right now, it works.
Let’s dance it out
Pls enjoy a playlist to be in your feels about.
What does it look like on my mat?
For this vibe, I like grounded postures. Think legs up the wall, easy seated twists, supported fish, and child’s with all the cozy props so your body feels supported enough to really sink in.
What does it look like in the world?
Ultimately, it’s a long look at what our culture defines as worth based on production, which is a bigger concept than I can tackle in a blog post about a journal. However, what I can do is continue to notice what feels like a win to me. Maybe it’s putting all the things on the to-do list I do in a day, even if it’s “make a to-do list” so I can check something off. But in the broader sense, it’s redefining my worth based on who I am and what I do. Easier said than done, but there’s what I know right now.
