Everything I Need To Know About Dating I Learned From New Girl

After watching one too many grisly documentaries on Netflix I realized I needed something a little lighter and decided to rewatch New Girl. New Girl is one of those shows were I can laugh so hard I cry, and I can relate so hard I cry. I love it and yet, somehow, I forgot how FREAKING HILARIOUS the first few seasons were. In addition to looking for a good laugh in my life, I recently decided to really commit to trying to commit. AKA dating.

It’s been...a struggle. A struggle on a lot of levels. First, I hate dating, like really hate it. I’m a relationship girl, I settle in with someone and am happy existing in that space. Second, I’m old. I’m not really old but I’m dating old. Most of my friends are married and HAVE YET TO SET ME UP WITH ANYONE EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU HAVE SINGLE MALE FRIENDS, which has relegated me to apps. I want to spend less time with my phone, not more. Third, I’m weird about grammar and punctuation which leads to me being easily annoyed with the shorthand language that permeates modern dating apps. But, here we are.

I think I went on 14 first dates in September, FOURTEEN FIRST DATES. That is a h*ck ton of energy. Some of them were great and lead to second dates, some of them were good but didn’t really go anywhere, I was ghosted twice* (one I was meh about, one I was moderately mopey about), two I’m not 100% sure what is happening to this day, and only two were straight up bad.

I knew one of the bad ones was going to be bad, I’m really good at reading vibes like that. Also, anyone who starts off asking for free, private yoga sessions before you meet is likely going to continue to be off putting. But, not wanting to be too picky I was saying yes to dates and people that fell a little outside my comfort zone and not necessarily in the good way.

Then in my parallel New Girl universe Jessica Day and Nick Miller broke up. I was, obviously, heart broken. But as Jess and I healed together Jess discovered “Dice,” a dating app, on Schmidt’s phone. Even after being warned she’s not ready for it, she downloads Dice and gets in over her head with dating. Schmidt steps in to tutor Jess on the finer points of dating which ends with the “Dice Diez.” Ten dates, rapid fire, to teach Jess when to stay and when to walk. The first nine are TEERRRRRRIBLE. The last one she doesn’t give enough of a chance and then feels like she missed out on a good opportunity.  Ultimately, Jess learns that the ‘right’ approach to dating is somewhere between the two extremes.

So, I stopped saying yes to every invitation. I cancelled dates that I wasn’t feeling. Even with perfectly nice guys, who I just didn’t feel like I clicked with. I was honest about it, I told them what was going on because ghosting is shitty and immature. And I moved on. Is it working? I have no idea. Hopefully? Maybe? But I feel better about the overall situation. But I know that if I ever need to get out of a date I can use, “a prominent US Senator is trying to contact me!”

Also, don't date your roommate. 

*at the time of publication I have been un-ghosted (if that’s a thing)